Initial Assessment Meeting explained: A guide to your first meeting

Taking the first step towards family mediation can feel daunting, particularly if you are not sure what to expect.

You may be wondering what you will be asked, what you need to prepare or whether attending the meeting commits you to mediation.

Your Initial Assessment Meeting is designed to answer those questions. It is a private meeting between you and a family mediator, giving you the opportunity to talk about your circumstances, understand how mediation works and consider whether it could be suitable for you and your family.

It isn’t a mediation session and you won’t be expected to make decisions or reach agreements.

Here is what you can expect from your first meeting.

What is an Initial Assessment Meeting?

An Initial Assessment Meeting is your first individual meeting with a family mediator.

You may also hear it called a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, or MIAM. This is the terminology commonly used by the courts and in government guidance.

The meeting has two main purposes.

Firstly, it gives you the opportunity to learn about mediation and the different ways it can be used to help separating families.

Secondly, it allows the mediator to understand your circumstances and assess whether mediation is appropriate and safe for your particular situation.

If you are considering making certain applications to the family court, you will usually need to attend a MIAM before making your application, although there are exemptions in some circumstances. Read more about it on the GOV.UK site here.

At Accordia Mediation, we use the term Initial Assessment Meeting.

Will my former partner be at the meeting?

No. Your Initial Assessment Meeting is individual and private. Your former partner does not attend your meeting, and you will not attend theirs.

This gives you the opportunity to speak openly with the mediator about your circumstances and any concerns you may have.

If both of you are considering mediation, you will normally each have your own individual Initial Assessment Meeting before any mediation sessions involving both of you take place.

The mediator can then consider whether mediation is suitable and, if so, what format might work best.

What happens during an Initial Assessment Meeting?

The meeting is intended to be a one-to-one conversation, lasting up to 60 minutes. Your mediator will explain how family mediation works and their role within the process.

They will also ask you about your circumstances, including your separation and the issues you would like help resolving.

Depending on your situation, these might include:

• arrangements for your children
• communication between you as parents
• your family home
• savings and investments
• pensions
• debts
• income and future financial needs
• other practical issues arising from your separation

You will not resolve any of these matters during the meeting.

At this stage, your mediator is building an understanding of your circumstances and helping you understand the options available.

You’ll also have an opportunity to ask your own questions.

What will the mediator ask me?

The mediator will usually want to understand the background to your situation, what has brought you to mediation and what you would like help resolving.

They will also ask about communication between you and your former partner and whether there are any concerns that could affect the safety or suitability of mediation.

This forms an important part of the assessment.

Family mediation should provide a safe and constructive environment in which both participants are able to take part effectively. Your mediator therefore needs to understand whether there are circumstances that could make mediation inappropriate or mean that a different format or additional safeguards should be considered.

This can include discussing domestic abuse, coercive or controlling behaviour, safeguarding concerns and any other circumstances that may affect your ability to participate freely.

These questions are a normal part of the assessment process.

Do I need to prepare anything?

You don’t need to arrive at your Initial Assessment Meeting with your entire separation organised.

It can, however, be helpful to spend a little time beforehand thinking about the issues you would like to discuss.

For example:

What would you like help resolving?

Perhaps your main concern is how you and your former partner will share time with your children. Or you may need to work through what happens to your home and finances following your separation.

What are your immediate priorities?

There may be one issue that needs addressing more urgently than everything else.

What questions do you have about mediation?

Writing them down beforehand can help ensure you don’t forget something important during the meeting.

If your mediator needs you to bring particular information or documents, they should let you know beforehand.

For most people, however, the most important preparation is simply being ready to talk openly and honestly about their circumstances.

Is my Initial Assessment Meeting confidential?

Family mediation is a private process, and what you discuss during your individual assessment meeting will generally be treated confidentially.

There are, however, important exceptions.

For example, your mediator may need to act where information raises serious safeguarding concerns or where disclosure is required by law.

Your mediator should explain confidentiality and its limits clearly at the beginning of the process so that you understand how information will be handled.

There is another important distinction when both you and your former partner have individual meetings.

You shouldn’t assume that everything you tell the mediator can automatically be kept secret from the other participant if mediation subsequently proceeds. Your mediator will explain how information from individual meetings is handled and what can and cannot remain confidential within the mediation process.

If there is something you are particularly concerned about sharing, raise this with your mediator.

What if I don’t feel comfortable being in the same room as my former partner?

Tell the mediator during your Initial Assessment Meeting.

Mediation doesn’t necessarily mean sitting directly opposite your former partner.

Depending on your circumstances and the mediator’s assessment, different formats may be possible.

In some circumstances, shuttle mediation may be appropriate. This involves participants remaining in separate spaces while the mediator moves between them rather than everyone taking part in the same conversation. Read more here.

The right approach will depend on your individual circumstances.

The important thing is to raise any concerns during your Initial Assessment Meeting rather than assuming they mean mediation cannot take place.

Will the mediator tell me what I should do?

No. A family mediator is impartial. Their role isn’t to take sides or decide which person is right.

They won’t make decisions about your children or finances for you.

Instead, your mediator helps you identify the issues that need to be resolved, communicate more constructively, explore possible options and consider whether proposals could work in practice.

A mediator can provide information about the mediation process and relevant legal principles, but they do not provide either participant with individual legal advice.

There may therefore be points during mediation when you are encouraged to obtain independent legal advice.

The decisions ultimately remain with you and your former partner.

Does attending an Initial Assessment Meeting mean I have to mediate?

No. Attending an Initial Assessment Meeting does not commit you to continuing with mediation.

One of the purposes of the meeting is to give you enough information to decide whether you want to proceed.

The mediator also has to consider whether mediation is suitable.

There may be circumstances where the mediator concludes that mediation isn’t appropriate, or where another process should be considered instead.

Equally, you may decide after learning more about mediation that you do not want to continue.

The assessment meeting is therefore a first step — not a commitment to the entire process.

What happens if mediation is suitable?

If mediation appears suitable and both participants want to proceed, your mediator will explain what happens next.

This will usually involve arranging your first mediation session.

Before that session, you may be asked to provide information or complete some preparation depending on what you need to discuss.

For example, financial mediation usually requires both participants to provide information about their financial circumstances so that there is a clear picture of the assets, liabilities, income and other relevant matters before options are explored.

For mediation concerning children, the initial focus may instead be on identifying the arrangements or areas of communication that need to be discussed.

The structure should be tailored to the issues your family needs to resolve.

You can read our full guide to the process here: What happens in family mediation? A step-by-step guide

What if mediation isn’t suitable?

Mediation isn’t right for every family or every situation.

If your mediator assesses that it isn’t suitable, they can explain this and discuss the next steps available to you.

Where the assessment meeting relates to a proposed family court application, an accredited mediator may also be able to complete the relevant MIAM section or provide the appropriate evidence confirming attendance or an applicable outcome, depending on the circumstances.

Being told that mediation isn’t appropriate doesn’t mean that you have failed the process. Assessing suitability is precisely one of the reasons the individual meeting takes place.

How much does an Initial Assessment Meeting cost?

The cost varies between mediation providers.

You should be told the fee before booking so you know exactly what the meeting will cost.

You can see Accordia Mediation’s current Initial Assessment Meeting fee on our Fees page here.

We’ve also created a fuller guide explaining mediation fees, financial assistance and some of the factors that affect the overall cost of mediation. Read more here: How much does family mediation cost? A guide to mediation fees

How long does an Initial Assessment Meeting take?

Generally, you should allow around 45 minutes to an hour for an individual assessment meeting.

The aim isn’t to rush through a checklist. There needs to be enough time for the mediator to understand your circumstances, explain the process, consider suitability and give you an opportunity to ask questions.

Taking the first step

It is completely understandable to have questions before speaking to a mediator, particularly if separation is recent or communication with your former partner has become difficult.

You don’t need to know whether mediation will work before your Initial Assessment Meeting.

That’s part of what the meeting is there to establish.

It gives you a private space to explain what is happening, understand your options and find out what mediation could look like in your particular circumstances.

At Accordia Mediation, we’ll guide you through that first conversation so you understand the process and what happens next.